A Friend Only Ever Talks On Her Own Life: Should I End the Friendship?

We've been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been often blindsided by others. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends disappeared during that time, since they had been focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely grasped more acutely the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, many close to her have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing time together, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She has been planning a vacation to a country I've visited repeatedly and resided in for a while. I tried to provide personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She really only wanted validation of her decisions. I recently come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she can understand the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is seldom the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state how things go during your discussions. It should be based on facts and essentially exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Step three involves requesting how you are both will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is to say her:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject everything, since certain individuals hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they have a story regarding their experiences they cannot release because their very survival is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route here, just dead ends. But she may at first react defensively before reflecting about what you've said. If you never reach an agreement, you'll have closure that you've been open and direct.