Take heart, fan. England's side might be heading into the third Ashes Test already 2-0 down, but not everyone within the England setup is disheartened. There is one collective ideally equipped for such a situation, a crack(pot) unit who can lay claim to be the quintessential experts in defeat. Have your dreams been shattered? Is the disappointment beneath the weight of crushing defeat? Well then, join the Barmy Army.
As we speak, their first wave are gathering in Adelaide, the city where they officially formed 30 years ago. England's most famous – and for their size most vocal – travelling fans will be dreaming of an anniversary win-against-the-odds, reminiscent of the one they witnessed on that mid-90s tour. Furthermore no matter the outcome on the pitch, in the stands and bars the celebrations will be extensive and boisterous.
"The on-field action been incredibly disappointing," one founder concedes, "but we're the fortunate few, because we're on holiday. It's perhaps harder for the people at home."
Despite a dramatic batting collapse fails to deter this band of battle-tested followers. They've been observing England's innings meltdowns since earlier than a new generation started playing. They've witnessed more spilled chances than key pacemen have Test wickets. Their collective record as an Ashes touring group stands at: played 37, lost 27, won 6. The people who knows how to survive a series sweep, they are the original supporters.
Indeed, for viewers at home, the Barmy Army do seem to be all over during this Ashes. Australian cameras at the grounds frequently appear keener to feature the Barmies than in their own fans. Sports networks regularly use them as entertainment-focused buildup to a day's play. Even the players on the field give them a wave, with a supporter portraying a royal figure leading a chorus of a patriotic song.
Perhaps that the Barmy Army's combination of history and visibility has now obscured quite how remarkable their takeover of away support has been. In the early 1990s a few followers were drawn together in wry humour about failure at England's dismal away record. Now their legacy is so intertwined with the men's Test side that their colourful, "unique" crowd is virtually an accepted institution. They've undoubtedly come a far since the initial chants.
One original can picture the excited anticipation of the series start of that 1994-95 tour. With the hosts making a strong start, he initiated a six-person conga in the stands, winding up the Australian supporters with a tune about convicts. "Home supporters shouted insults at us, then threw drink containers – the stuff that we sometimes receive today," he recalls. "Yet when we got back our small band of England followers had all participated."
After defeat, England's tour faced further difficulties. Anyone following the team around the country was considered barmy indeed. When it came to the bigger venues their ranks had grown to the hundreds. The squad, however, came to value their presence at the grounds. When England managed a consolation win, a senior player invited a fan leader up to the team balcony to lead the celebrations. Such camaraderie remains.
But then, the significant volume the Barmy Army can conjure are as valuable to the sport as they are to host grounds. For this series alone, their official tours will accommodate a large number of paying travellers. All kinds of events are scheduled for the three-decade milestone.
This is, in the end, an entity born of fan enthusiasm and commercial nous. The reason they date themselves to a specific Test is because that was when they started producing branded clothing. The short initial run was so instantly popular – and lucrative – that it began a thriving business. Over the years, the driving forces have helped turn a group of mates into an major sports tourism business.
That carries its own challenges, notably at a time when sport is trying to lose some of its rowdy image. The Barmy Army's leadership are quick to note that a significant portion of their supporters on tour are now female. As norms evolve, the songs have had to get more family-friendly, too. "Things that you'd say 30 years ago you can no longer say, and that's absolutely right," says a spokesperson. "It's not possible to tell someone how to behave individually, but we won't support songs that are offensive."
Might the Barmy Army evolve quietly? The demographic is now approaching the late 40s – similar to the founders themselves, who have been pleased to withdraw from the daily operation. One founder is savouring this tour purely as a punter – leaving young professionals to populate the Barmy Army's social media. "It's easy to overlook how hard it used to be to coordinate with each other," he chuckles. "We used to do it all by meeting up – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
Regarding this Ashes series, the faint hope of a historic comeback persists, which is classic Barmy Army indeed. In the event England succumb in Adelaide … well, South Africa next Christmas awaits.
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